February 20, 2015
Never Assume Anything
The title of this post was originally intended to be written about someone who made me feel guilty for mentioning how tired I felt the other day and how the hubs and I still get out here and there and how we look forward to it. Call me crazy, but I think getting out is healthy. Every parent needs it. Also, I'm not going to be made to feel like I was 'complaining' about being tired. That's like the #1 rule in parenting. You're going to always be a little more tired. Could you tell yet that this person doesn't have kids? Hey, I get it. Life is difficult and tiring without children. But the saddest part is that I know they want them in the near future and they are no where close. We've never discussed it personally, but what I gather from others, it sounds like that's the case. So, this person assumed that since I 'complained' about being tired and how some days I can't wait to slip out with my husband, that I'm not grateful. Again, they didn't say those exact words, but actions speak louder than words.
The title is still fitting. So I kept it.
Before I had a baby, I had not a clue. I would see photos of babies and it all looked so perfect and easy. I can't believe I'm even typing the word easy. I just assumed the parents were rock stars at being parents and they had it all figured out. The babies’ hair was combed just right. That baby is smiling so he/she must be happy all the time. Her bib is placed so perfectly. They took their baby to church? Didn't it cry? Bath time looks like a fun time.
I just assumed these things because I didn't know. And I think that's a natural thing to do. When we don't have any experience with something, we sort of make assumptions about them as if we do know about it or it's like we wish we knew more.
And let me preface what I'm about to say to anyone I personally know and love who don't have kids and to the billions of people I don't know who don't have kids at the moment. You all rock! However, this is what it is. It's just the truth of the matter. You simply have no clue what it's like until you have a child of your own. Until you become responsible for another human life, you are clueless.
And that's totally fine. That's not a put down so please don't take it that way. It's not a bad thing that you are clueless right now. I'm not calling you stupid or naive. You just have to experience it to know. It's that simple. And did you know that once parents become parents, they are still clueless? At least for the first few months. It's all new and challenging and just takes its course. You learn as you go. And you eventually just grow into it. It becomes another appendage. Being a parent is a complete and utter emotional roller coaster.
That's the best way to describe it.
And hey, I'm almost only 1 year into it. The year went fast, but some days I'm still totally clueless. I am about to celebrate my baby girl turning 1. You better believe I'm going to be having a tiny celebration with my husband, too. I'm thinking champagne and cake! We deserve a little parent celebration for surviving 1 year. All parents should!
As I'm clearly excited about this milestone coming up, I'm getting sidetracked.
Friends who are not parents yet, please don't fret. If I've upset you, which I hope is really not the case, just remember that I bake really good cookies. Friends who are about to become parents, all of this is normal. You're in for a real crazy journey and that's all I honestly have to say about that. I'd like to end this post with a few facts about how clueless I have been in the past with an infant, to most recent. You're not alone in this parenting gig. Let's all never assume other people have it perfect and good. Because that's just not the case. And remember that a photo can really portray perfectionism. Social media makes it so easy to snap a photo and assume that a person's life is wonderful 24/7.
See below for a few of my clueless moments as a parent.
Hope you have a lovely weekend!
Mrs. Moderation xo
1. My baby isn't really a baby anymore. When I take her out of the tub, she's shivering. Yes that's normal, but maybe if I use a larger, normal size person towel instead of her newborn baby bath towels, she may not shake as much. Lo and behold, the other day I did just that and she barely shook! Warmth!
2. The sound machine has been our best friend pretty much since Claire's been alive. Lately when she naps and a few random times she's been put to bed without it on, she sleeps just fine. We should probably stop using it soon. Tough call right now though. Anyone with 1 year olds and older still use a sound machine?
3. We have a two-story house. Claire is crawling fast and everywhere and slowly learning to walk with her push toys and assistance. She also started going up the steps. (With assistance of course). We still have yet to get a child gate and place it at the top of the stairs. I will go in the bathroom with her bedroom door wide open, knowing very well she will crawl down the long upstairs hallway. I just remember to either be quick, or if I 'm brushing my teeth I stand out in the hall and watch her. Not the safest I know. But it's real and it happens sometimes. We will be getting a gate sooner than later.
4. Word to the wise: Don't fill up your coffee cup holder with piping hot coffee and bend over your child to pick something up with it in hand. I've never spilled coffee on my child (sorry for the mini stroke), but it's shit like that that makes me upset or angry. We are so busy and have ten million things going on. My coffee cup holder had a tight, closed lid. But it's the principle. I've learned to not hold coffee anywhere near my child. Which still kind of sucks because I feel like coffee should be nailed to my hands.
5. When my child screams her head off and becomes beyond fussy only around me sometimes, she doesn't hate me. I think she does though. And on days where I'm just crazed with work and her shenanigans and I would like a cuddly hug but nothing will satisfy her, I get upset. I have to keep telling myself that my baby doesn't wish me dead. She's just got her own problems too.
6. Parents are not mind readers. We are still human. Take this new life with a grain of salt.