March 29, 2022

That Time I Saw A Therapist

 So I decided to seek therapy about a year ago for the first time ever. I wasn't in a good head space with a lot of different things, and around the Fall, about six months prior to seeing a therapist, I *think* I experienced a slight depressive state.  Thankfully it was short lived,  but that just proves that being a human is tough and feelings are real!   So i decided to choose someone locally, and luckily this therapist lived 7 minutes from me!

 With covid, I still wanted to see someone in the flesh vs virtually, but during my session I wore a mask even though I was vaccinated.  The first visit went okay, it was more of an introduction from the therapist, from me and a small tour of the place.  It was small and quaint old farmhouse that the woman rented out. The problem was, my first session was screwed up because she mixed up the times.  I text her and left her a voicemail a few days prior confirming our appointment and she still got our meeting time wrong.  Strike one for her! I had to see her the next day after we spoke on the phone discussing her error.

I was not amused.  Once I finally got there and knew we had the correct meeting time, I walked around the place for what felt like eternity in silence until I heard people talking upstairs, very muffled sounding though.  I felt like I was in a horror movie.  I could just see myself peeling back a cracked door and noticing a rocking chair by the window with no one in it.  In reality, this all lasted about ten minutes and I was able to get a feel for the place and grab some water.

I eventually met up with the therapist, we'll call her Sharon. She was older, late 60s I'd guess. She was finishing up her session with another patient. She was very nice but VERY calm in demeanor.  A bit too relaxed for me.  She's been doing this a long time so I will say her style was probably a bit out of touch date. Again, the first briefing was fine and okay.  We chuckled at her mistake about the time of our appointment then moved on to talking about any childhood trauma. I'm very lucky to not have had childhood trauma.  I had quite the opposite experience.  I truly had a wonderful childhood and great parents.  But nothing was in that department for me so we moved on.  Next we discussed my family, my life, what I wanted, what I'm doing, what I did. It was a wide range of various topics.  And I am assuming this occurs during a first therapy session.

I could be wrong, but it doesn't matter because I gave Sharon FIVE good ol' tries, $200 dollars later and nada. Very long story short, I just didn't feel any connection with her.  Her style of breathing techniques and listening to ocean sounds didn't appeal to me.  But hey, I tried.  FIVE times I tried. As I understand, in the world of therapists, it's just like dating,  You have to shop around a few times before you meet "the one".  After that, I was thankfully in a better place and head space.  I didn't feel like jumping into therapy quite that quickly. Skip to January of 2021 and I started experiencing my typical comparing issues ( my own life vs others, comparison is definitely the thief of joy, friends). And in reality, I was just in an overall funk.  Some could argue it was Winter and seasonal depression is a real thing but I don't really experience the different seasons in that sense.  I just felt not myself for about 6 weeks of Winter I'd say. It could be a seasonal thing too.  I don't have all the information about that though to give you an evidence-based answer.

I was and am currently still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and in this almost new decade of life when I turn 40 in October. Can you tell I'm only slightly freaked out by this?  eek! On the same token, I am trying to embrace my life as it is right now!  I'm trying to go with the flow, but I still feel like I need to make an important decision and soon!  Before I turn 40.  As I've talked about in my stories on my instagram account, I';m tired of applying to jobs that in reality, I do not want.  They aren't serving any purpose or make sense to try to get.  Income is never a bad thing, but I have to be picky.  I don't want to just pick anything.  I love talking about nutrition.  Nutrition has been the topic of discussion with me for the past three years- after I tried honing in on what I enjoy/what I am passionate about.  I'm still on this subject, and I am still trying to figure out what I should do and what I want for myself.

When it comes to trying therapy again, I'm not opposed to it, but I'm currently in  a better head space, but that ebbs and flows of course.  I think I want to discuss this exact topic with a professional.  But time will tell.  If you're thinking about giving therapy a shot, I say go for it.  It's an important step to take.  Never be ashamed. Pride is overrated. Do you.


Let's pretend we are all here right now. :)



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